How I ruined Christmas
Yep... That's right. I ruined Christmas..
I bought all the gifts, I cooked all the food and then destroyed the day for all an sundry.
If you felt any dis-satisfaction with your Christmas day, it is probably my fault too.
How did I do that?
Well, it all goes back many years ago...
When Fun Daddy and I were first married. A friend of his from college was trying out for Second City and needed to show all his assorted talents. He was a trombone player in high school and wanted to show that he could still play but didn't have time to drive home and get his old instrument. So, being a good guy, he loaned my trombone to his friend. That was 17 years ago. He has not tried to get it back at least that can be proven in any way. And just prefers that I never mention it again.
Generally, this isn't an issue. But at the end of Christmas dinner my father, while discussing Fun Daddy's Christmas gift from me, a Les Paul guitar, mentioned that we could now start a band... Imelda plays the guitar and the saxophone, The Angel, the violin and clarinet, Fun Daddy, the accordian and now the guitar and me? Well I could play my trombone. When I pointed out the impossibility of that, given the loss of my trombone was when the fun started.
See, Fun Daddy didn't want me to talk about my loss. He doesn't want me to talk about how, when or where. He wants me to "Get Over It". Now, I could. If he tried to get my trombone back and his friend Johnny said, "Dude, I am so sorry it got crushed, stolen, lost or hocked" I would have my closure. But I don't get that. I get, "Get over it" Which by the way is NOT in my nature.
So what happened? I wish I could say that I was drunk and things got out of hand... but I wasn't. And an argument broke out. The kind where everyone in my family argues at me to not upset Fun Daddy as he is the founder of our feast (to use a Dickensian term) and that just pisses me off more.
Jim, Dr. Randy? You out there? You know what my family required of me in terms of "loyalty". The fact that I got no support from my parents made me more upset. And when my father-in-law reminded me of how and why I should mind my "Ps and Qs", well I just exploded. Which of course, made Fun Daddy rush to his father's defense. My Angel may call me a whore with impunity any day of the week, but no one! NO ONE, especially ME is allowed to tell FIL to mind his own business.
No trombone.
No respect.
No loyalty.
Merry F'ing Christmas to me.
Posts
4 comments:
"Get over it" lurks within the same slimey alleyways of "don't worry about it."
Both are subject to a heroin induced suicide in my presence. TFB is learning slowly to never EVER utter those phrases to me again lest he be given a second vasectomy.
You need a divorce. Holy shit, what a dick weed. I know Sadlo is turning over in his grave. EVEN I STILL HAVE MY CLARINET HANGING AROUND!
Here's what we will do, send me something precious of his and I will keep it forever. His favorite porno(what the fuck would I do with that), his golf clubs, his Sirius radio receiver. What a dick head. He is VERY inconsiderate. And, more than likely if he reads this, he will just say"WELL! RANDY IS YOUR FRIEND, OF COURSE HE IS BIASED TOWARDS YOU!"
Tell Fun Daddy he needs to make some serious shit up to you. I mean hell, you let him cum in you twice and look what happened! He OWES U!!!
Gretchen,
I am going to be in Chicago in Jan and need to borrow a guitar for absolutely no reason, since you know that I play the clarinet. I was wondering if you have on, preferably Les Paul that I could return, or not in 18 or 19 years.
Jim
Seriously though I am going to be in Chi and would love for you to meet my buddy Bryan and maybe we could all do some retail therapy
You will come to my house next Christmas. It's ALWAYS pleasant. My maternal family is quite loving. Not sure how they pulled that off, but it's true. Just don't show up to my dad's mom's house. Bad idea.
Post a Comment