Checkolepsy

Yes Maggie,

I will tell the story of the coining of the word checkolepsy...

It is a strange and little known condition that as far as I know only seems to effect accountants married to my self-righteous sister. I hope you never encounter a checkoleptic... they are a pain in the ass.

Here it goes.

One day, my sister and her new husband decided that they were tired of never hosting family events. They decided that they would host a dinner to celebrate Papa Pierre's 60th birthday. It was to be a spectabcular event befitting its status. We would have dinner at a lovely restaurant near their home (Not the home of Papa and Nana). This meant that Fun Daddy and I had to drive all the other way to the other side of the metro area. No problem.

My self righteous sister haughtily pointed out that it was time for she and her husband to be respected as the gracious host and hostess that everyone else recognized. All righty... what ever, I thought. I guess that the couple of dinners that we had attended at their home that included food and drink were just flukes.

The date was marked. A babysitter was obtained (Aunt Maggie). Gifts were
purchased.

The Wednesday before the event, I got a call from my sister. It seems when they were budgeting for this event, they had anticipated six guests. They had forgotten to take into account my grandmother's presence. (Yes, my 95 year old granny who barely eats and only sips at her wine was throwing off the budget.) Could we split the cost?

Ok, as a rule this irks me. We weren't included anywhere in the planning process. Everything was arranged at the convenience of and for the aggrandizement of my brother-in-law and by transference, my sister, who had to foresite to marry him. So here we are, being asked to pay for half of the dinner that we are supposed to be guests to... A dinner that the guest of honor does not view as us hosting. Blech.

Fun Daddy and I agree to do this. But we agree on one thing. There will be no dickering over the check. No calculators, no discussion, just two cards down. Anything else? We just pay for it.

So the days pass and finally it is my Père's birthday. Aunt Maggie arrives to watch les filles. Fun Daddy and I depart. Now that winter there had been very mild. Naturally this meant that now that I had to drive to Naperville by 8:00pm, it was snowing hard. Really hard.

So we were late. By about a half hour. When we finally get there, everyone (except Gram) was having a cocktail. I ordered a lemon drop.. very tasty. Then we started ordering appetizers... My brother-in-law, the founder of our feast, orders wine... the most expensive bottles, in the restaurant... two of them. Wine and food were lovely... very tasty.

Then we get ready for the main course... we order our entrees. Then my brother-in-law generously allowed Fun Daddy to select the next wine. Which he did.
Now BIL had already ordered the most expensive wine on the menu... so in order to save face, in that "nobody is going to wave his dick in my face" kind of way, Fun Daddy orders the second most expensive bottle of wine on the menu... Two bottles.

Dinner is lovely. So tasty. If the restaurant still existed today? I would highly recommend it. Sadly, it was one of those places that burned brightly then went out. C'est la vie.

Now of course, we need to order dessert. And of course, we need a bottle of port. This they let mon Père select. It was lovely. We did the full service.. dessert, drinks and coffee.

And then the moment came.

We are waiting for the check. I am sitting across from BIL and this is what he is doing....

SLEEPING

Yes! Unbelievably so!

The waitron comes over. Leaves the bill.

Still BIL sleeps.

Long moments pass.

Still he sleeps.

Finally Fun Daddy and I exchange glances. He throws down the card. As it is being processed? BIL awakes. Shocking eh?

Yeah, I thought not.

As we were leaving the restaurant, ma Mère, the sister and I, stop in the bathroom Isn't it sad when such a fancy place, only has a "one man shop" well maybe that is why they are no longer there... But in the meantime, there is where we were. We are family. No problem. My sister expressed her horror that the love of her life would be such a goon at a family dinner. Then she told me that they would send me a check to cover their part of "their' dinner party. I told her the amount. She told me that she would send me half that amount.

"No baby," I told her, "That IS your half!"

Well sure enough I got the money from my sister within the week.

But on the way home a legend was born... the story of guy and his wife who wanted to show off how clever and sophisticated and cordial they were. Except they couldn't pull it off.

As we drove home, through the snow storm, we vented. Oh, how we vented. At the end of the dinner, we had to listen to my father compliment my brother-in-law for hosting us... And Oh, how it bothered us. As we drove home we pondered whether BIL could have actually fallen asleep or if it was a ploy to suck us into paying for them. I thought not, as my sister seemed truly pissed off. But then. who really knows.

All I know is that by the time we arrived home to Aunt Maggie, a new word was coined: Checkolepsy. A condition in which one party falls asleep mysteriously at just the moment that the check is delivered. Like a similar condition, narcolepsy, the moments that one is taken by this complaint, are both inconveniont and seemingly random.

Sigh.