where i am mentally

I am exhausted. we landed in LI Monday morning...and started running back and forth to the hospital. last night we headed to bed early. which was smart as the phone rang at 4am. and off we ran. six hours later,my mil drew her last breath peacefully with her family around her (no filles...but me....showing up like a bad penny). she and I didn't always get along...but I hope that I eased her transition to the next level.

now? I need a drink and sleep.