Thursday, July 03, 2008

Summer Scandal

We here at Chez Maman, are getting ready to embark on our annual trek out east.
How far east, you may ask?

Further east than NYC. 90 miles or so more.

Yes, we will spending a couple of weeks in Hamptons. Where the rich and famous go to get away from their celebrity by hanging out at the beach or restaurants and clubs that YOU can’t get into with other celebrities and get their pictures in Dan’s Papers. And if Dan’s Papers doesn’t mean anything to you… then you have never partaken of the Hamptons Experience.

I, of course, am neither rich nor famous and can’t mix with them as I also don’t possess the third element that gets you into these kinds of shindigs, beauty.

While out on the East End, I am frequently mistaken for a vagrant or the help. So I will at some point during the trip be at the receiving end of a tirade by some dried up old prune of a cunt with a preternaturally surprised look on her face who will complain that we lesser mortals (me) should not be allowed to grocery shop on the weekends or daylight hours because we are in HER way and therefore offend her delicate sensibilities. On the plus side, the Bridgehampton Kmart is the best layed out Kmart on the planet as the employees live in constant fear that Martha Stewart, herself, will show up to set them straight. So, I guess over all it is a wash.

This year however, I look forward to being out there as the Hampton Divorce of Century Case progresses. Yes, Queen of the Hampton’s, Christie Brinkley is in the process of divorcing her fourth husband, Architect to the Stars, Peter Cook.

I am looking forward to it because to date it has all the elements of a juicy, juicy story of love gone sour. Pornography, adultery, banging teenagers in your office, prostitutes, nudism, swinging, public air of laundry, guardian ad litems swearing that a public divorce trial will damage your childrens’ psyches far more than a peek at Daddy’s $4000 a month porn stash, cash left under rocks as payoffs and tales of private agony at High School graduation ceremony’s … ahhh. I can’t wait to hear what else.

Because everyone out there will have some sort of story about how these two let their freak flags fly.

She will only be in Dan’s Papers “keeping up a ‘brave fa├žade’ (see picture above)” while out with the kids at events supporting abandoned pets, the evils of zoos and circuses or children’s charities. He will show up only at places where he had previously been promised otherwise he will only be seen having quiet dinners with friends and lawyers.

I don’t get a floor show every year.

But this one should be spectacular. At very least it shows me that the rich and famous have their problems too... And Wow, can they be ugly!

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