Still not feeling better

And still sporadically crying.

Last night sucked. BIG FUCKING TIME

It turns out since Trix's parents complained to school about how their charming daughter was bullied all the other girls have been under a microscope. Their every move has been reported on. They have been lectured and moralized at. Teachers have asked them how they would feel if Trix killed herself.

So we go to this god forsaken meeting.

And listen to Father tell us what our Christian mission is at the school.. and the principal, Mr. Castello, then reports from all the teachers. The details of this observation went on for hours. or so it seemed. But really it was about 90 minutes.

Then they turned the floor over to the parents.

And started with Trix's folks.

Now, in case I didn't mention how uncomfortable this scenarios was let me explain. When we walked into the room, there were three rows of chairs for the parentals...I sat in the middle chair of the second row. People filled in the row along with me and the row behind me. Trix's parents alone sat in the first row.

Yup. We are all on the same page. You could see the division.

But ok, Trix's mother start's her speech.

Her daughter has been so miserable. Do you know how horrible it is when your daughter tells you that she doesn't want to go to school and doesn't want to be alive?!!!! Can you imagine anything worse for a mother?

Gee? Can you imagine anything worse?

Because that was the breaking point for me.

?

Well after hearing about my daughter's sins for 90 minutes and know how she had been sinned against..I kinda lost it.

Gee, I don't know Claudia, I don't mean to interrupt, but I think having to take your daughter to the emergency room after she has taken a handful of aspirin is worse!"

Yeah. That was the highlight of the evening

I believe I saw the look on Father's face as he watched the 2nd and 3rd heads emerge from my body. or at least it seemed that way to me.

Teachers, parents, the principal and priest viewed me as if I were insane. And that is because I had succumbed to one of the issues that I try to avoid. Secrecy. I hate it... because when you are protecting a secret... you are in danger.

Well the secret is out.

HA!

And this empowered other parents. Which was good, I think.

The down side?

I saw long standing friendships destroyed in an evening.

That was horrible.

But my daughter is free.

Trix was the center of the trouble that led to her suicide attempt. I ignored her frenzy. to my own detriment.

In all fairness? It seemed unreal. But there it was out.

I railed against teachers that saw what was going on... and ignored it. because she couldn't be bothered. She tried to waffle out of it. Which I wouldn't have expected otherwise, but at that point? Other parents jumped in. because their daughter's fates were ignored.

The out come of all this crap?

The school and parents agreed to bring in a social worker to help these girls. AMEN.


Of course, I wish that I could say that this meeting was universally helpful.

But Lillith got a note from Trix today

"You may have won this round...

but it isn't over...

Watch out."

FUCK.

I still can't feel better.

Another swell week

Nothing like preparing for a mandatory meeting for the parents in Lillith's class at Our Lady of Perpetual Virginity, or as I am referring to it? The 7th grade parents slap down.

Because after last week's crap of dealing with Lillith and her adventures in the park, and THEN finding out that she needs to attend summer school (undiscussed here because by the end of last week I was working myself towards an alcoholic coma to make my shame and embarrassment dissipate) as well as being stunned to learn that she was standing with some kids (although by all accounts innocent) of throwing paper out the window of her class.

Will this nightmare ever end?

I loathed the 7th grade the first time around... Except for our week of clueless dating bliss Dr. Randy... You know that was the best week of my life... But you know that this is really the Shizz as the kids would say.

Our topic de l'année? Bullying. AGAIN.

The ironic part is that the bullier is crying bullied. Which in this case means... ignored.

See, apparently one girl has been the puppetmaster for lo these many years at PerP. And by this I mean since pre-K. I didn't know this since Lillith went to L'Ecole previously. So we didn't have the earlier history and as nearly I can tell, Lillith's arrival at PerP, threw off the order and it took a couple of years for everyone to figure out what the heck was going on. But now les filles de la classe have decided that they are tired of being manipulated into unawares cruelty toward each other. Tired of being a pushed around by our marionetTrix. (I like to mix my lower and upper cases so I can swing like the kidzzzzZ) So they have decided to not be friendly.

Ok... at various points some of them have been angry and resentful towards Trix.... Lillith, under the circumstances has stayed out of it. And what are the circumstances?

Well ,I alluded to there being trouble last year. Last year Lillith, then MonAnge, was having trouble with girls at school... everyone hated her, everyone was unfriendly, kids were throwing stuff at her in the halls... "Right", I said. "That seems likely." "Like the teachers are going to allow that". It went on for a couple of days. And then Lillith came up to me telling me that she didn't feel well.

Because she had taken a handful of aspirin.

And that was when I learned how mean, the mean girls could be.

Obviously, she was fine. And a week later, after attending a mandatory weeklong intensive outpatient program she returned to school. She settled back in and all slowly life went back to normal. and the girls have slowly figured out who is directing the misery around them.

And they don't want to play anymore.

So now, we are off to this meeting. Trix's parents think she is the victim of this scenario. They have NO IDEA.

The rest of us have figured this out. it isn't going to be pretty.

There can only be bad feelings all around.

I would ask someone to pray for me... but I think that god has left me on my own long ago.

Can you at least cross your fingers and wish me luck?

Lillith is afraid. and I am unhappy already. But we will be all right.

I have combed all the internet sites that Lillith and her friends hang out. Trix keeps sending the other girls warnings that bad things will happen at this meeting. I presume she means metaphorically...

Why I hate 7th grade

7th grade sucks.

And how do I know this? I was in 7th grade once. (No that picture is not me at 28... just 12) And I was unpopular as hell. And because of that I was the object or scorn or just outright ignored. It was lonely and depressing.

I always thought it was because I was dressed like I was much older, wasn't allowed to wear the ruffled shirts that other girls wore (because mom thought the ruffles would draw attention to my breasts as if they could somehow be ignored or minimized) and I wasn't allowed to the things the other girls did...

I thought that by allowing MonAnge to fit in, wear the same clothes, do the same kinds of things that the other girls do we could avoid this. It turns out not to be the case.

Here are the problems MonAnge is experiencing:

Her MySpace Page was hacked. How do I know this? In the last post that she is listed as having made... is full of information that MonAnge would have none was completely insane.

Oh, and then came the nasty comments from close "friends"

From her BFF Frieda:

i think im gunna beat u up.
u think u can just do that?
we'll see whos tuff shit once
frieda finds you.
its because ur gay isnt it?
no one does that to my drina.
you wait and see.
im five feet of hell
and you just made my list buddy.
have a wonderful day :]

Charming eh?

But as not as charming as the comments from Drina (oh and the spelling is verbatim):

Frieda!!!!!
haha im in love with herr?
MonAnge
i hattte you howss freaking ny?!?
i hateee you i jope your fucking having funn and
never coming back here and smelling the whole freaking chicagoo up!
suck my cokcck and neve comee back and i
never wanna see you in front of me }
and if you have something to say fucking sayy it to my facee
you pussy cat pipssss lickkerrr
stay in ny noone wantss you back
peace out
good day.

I am so glad at the moment that I chose a Catholic education for the girls and that I have let these little miscreants into my home at various times. And I am trying to figure out how stupid you have to be in order to misspell CUNT, which she spelled cunttt.

At least the school is aware of what is going on as I printed all the nasty comments and presented it to the office. Why? Because the internet harrassment wasn't enough for those vicious little reprobates. They are tormenting her at school as well.

I always thought that I was a target for this kind of stupidity because I was such a dork. It turns out that being being popular is no help either.

Sigh.