Hypochondria

Yeah, it runs rampant in my family... so it makes sense that my girls come by it naturally..

Despite the times, I have gotten sinus headaches so bad that I thought I was going to have a stroke..(stop laughing, Maggie!) I like to think that I have pretty much resisted the worst of the family's affliction.

Do you see me walking around with a neck brace? No you do not. (Damn.. I know I have a picture of Nanny wearing one, somewhere!

Lillith has the worst cramps that ever been known to befall a female... even Eve herself (ok.. stop laughing Amy and Noranne!) but even that is manageable.

My problem is Imelda.

See, she is a hypochondriac AND a malingerer.

So when she got home last night after her cheer practice with a twisted ankle, I knew that I was in for trouble. Apparently she was pretty quiet about the trouble, although she wouldn't let coach touch it... (This is quite normal as my children fear my healing touch the same way they do a lick of fire...)Coach dropped Imelda off and that is when the fun began. Bitching and moaning about how mean I was and why it was wrong to rush her... Never mind that it was 5:30pm and all the commuters that park on our quiet street had just gotten off their train and wanted to collect their cars and go home NOW! So, yes, I did rush her a bit while she was hopping pathetically across the street. It seemed a pointless way to die and these bastards will run you over if you are in their way.

Next once we made it to the parkway, came Imelda's attempt to crawl home the rest of the way. And by crawl, I mean scoot on her ass with the afflicted leg crossed over the other one... No, no.. no spectacle there. It is completely normal to see a full height female dragging herself across the lawn in such a manner. Luckily, my neighbor, J came out to collect his mail and got a look-see at that... I am guessing it made him happy to have boys.

I naturally tried to help. I went in to get Lillith to see if we could work together to make show end sooner. Naturally, it just prolonged it. Almost immediately, the introduction of Imelda into the scene created chaos. She bitched at Imelda, Imelda bitched at Lillith and they both bitched at me until in disgust, Lillith flounced away with a flourish and a "Thanks for nothing, Mom!" grrrr.

After we eventually got her into the house and made sure that the poor pooch knew that Imelda's foot was off limits... and I brought her a pot of ice water for soaking said foot, the complaints began anew. The water was "too cold", it was making her foot "turn blue", "how long would she have to stay like this"; "This isn't how you are supposed to treat a sprain"! Eventually she butt scooted herself to her lair to partake in Wii and iPods.

I started to relax. Fun Daddy poured me a glass of whine... I was starting to relax.. until I heard her grunting her way up the stairs again.

"I am going to need switch to vodka," I told him... but it was too late. She was back to complain some more. sigh.