Monday, March 23, 2009

What is normal? - The Sandwich Edition.

I find myself unable to tell normal eating versus abnormal.

I do know that I have had more arguments about sandwiches than a normal person should.

I remember these arguments starting when I was little. I never made a sandwich correctly. Two pieces of white bread (hey, it was the '70s) a slice of ham, a piece of cheese and half a squirt of yellow mustard (the only kind we ever ate. And by the way, I still love it, even if I have an appreciation for other more frou frou moustards).

Eventually I was taught the "proper" way to make my sandwich. Two slices of bread (wheat bread is now exceptable), a thin coating of butter that must evenly cover the entire inside piece of each piece of bread. Next comes a slice of meat on each slice of bread. From there it gets tricky. If you eating a meat with cheese then only mustard can be applied. If you are using mayo? Then lettuce and tomato may be applied along with salt and pepper.

I have come to realize that this is an overly thought out sandwich philosophy. But that is what I was taught. There are expections for wet sandwiches, such as the sloppy joe and Buffalo classic beef on weck. These sandwichs are designed to be sloppy wet and the roast beef can have horseradish on it (which I never did. I would have preferred ketchup if given a choice. and I rarely was. The only sandwich that ketchup was acceptable for (other than hamburgers which frankly I classify separately) was fried balogna which was the bain of my existence as a child as it was so different from what I considered normal. It was thick and curled up and grotesque and oh my mother loved it. So refusing it was not an option).

The Neuman sandwich methodology is polar opposite of the Millers. Giant junks of dry bread are required. In fact, we laugh about how he comes from a people who enjoy bone dry sandwiches. Two inches of hard dry roll, a whisper of condiment and a wafer thin piece of meat and or cheese. Anything else is frowned upon. And I have been frowned upon plenty. "Butter on the bread?! Why would you do that?" Again, I am wrong.

I remember having lunch with Amy once. Back in the days when we worked together at Resource Applications. I opened my sandwich that had been made by Kevin that morning and I found that it was made the Neuman way. Amy laughted at me. While she agreed that the Neuman method seemed overly severe she had never heard of the "correct" way to make a sandwich.

And that was the first time I realized that I had weird sandwich issues.

2 comments:

Aunt Maggie said...

Too hysterical - I get weird looks at the sandwich counter at our office cafeteria - if I'm ordering Tuna - then it's tuna salad on rye with tomatoes, nothing else; roast beef - then it's a kaiser roll with tomatoes - no condiments, and I stop by the soup buffet and pick up some butter for the bread. Rowley - the guy who makes the sandwiches always argues with me because he thinks I need lettuce - but no lettuce on MY sandwiches, please! :)

Chicka said...

I make my own sandwiches because I like three pieces of meat, miracle whip light, and lettuce.

Unless, of course, it's baloney. Then it gets a layer of potato chips on it (which would probably throw your family into spasms).