Wednesday, August 20, 2008

On the off chance you thought my neighbors had become humans

I welcome you to:


When last we visited the idiot neighbors they were flipping off ten year old girls, preventing the installation of gutters on the west side of the house, using the doggy squeeky toy obnoxiously to irritate our pooch....

And then came the long winter. See, smurfs don't hang out outside in the winter... must be that they are blue and topless to begin with..

But now with the summer in full swing... they sit out there in their concrete pad patchworked prisonyard, er, backyard playing their radio at full blast, lying on a beach towel on the concrete in order to sun themselves (maybe they are reptiles?) and cooking beans and franks. They even have a wienie timer... because you don't too much charring on your wienie...

The poochie battles have been interesting. See, it appears to us that our beloved Cinnamon is going a bit deaf, so she really doesn't complain to much about the squeeky toy. Actually, she doesn't complain about the squeeky toy at all... so now, the FUCKTARDS, have taken to calling her name... Luckily, she really doesn't notice that either.

But this afternoon, as the landscapers were planting a couple of boxwoods on the side of the porch, they came out blasting, "Get the FUCK off my property!" The supervisor looked at him quizzically as apparently he isn't used to the rants of the insane. "You are standing on my FUCKING SIDEWALK!" Papa Smurf bellowed, "Get off it or I will call the cops!" Again, the supervisor looked at him blankly, "You are going to call the police because I stepped on your side walk?" I felt sorry for him, I know it doesn't make much sense.

Oh, and did I mention that my nice neighbor and her three year old son were outside when Papa Smurf started screaming and swearing... Yeah, he's a charmer...

Luckily, the guy who owns the landscaping company, who knows what morons we are dealing with, showed up and helped smooth things over, by showing how the guys how to loop the soaker house around the new bushes without stepping into the Smurf Kingdom.

We really don't need more blue (balled) shirtless unemployed dicks walking around the neighborhood anyway.

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