More crazies in the family

Just because I blocked my cousin Bobby's, Aunt Jeannette's and father's emails doesn't mean that their aren't additional wackos hiding in the woodwork.

The latest?

Subj: Fw: A must read Muslim belief

MUSLIM BELIEF

This is a true story and the author, Rick Mathes, is a well-known leader in prison ministry (This much is true).

The man who walks with God always gets to his destination. If you have a pulse you ha ve a purpose.

The Muslim religion is the fastest growing religion per capita in the United States , especially in the minority races!!! (Quel horreur! The browns are breeding and converting! Whatever shall we do?)

Last month I attended my annual training session that's required for maintaining my State prison security clearance. During the training session there was a presentation by three speakers representing the Roman Catholic, Protestant and Muslim faiths, who explained each of their beliefs.

I was particularly interested in what the Islamic Imam (According to Snopes.com there was no Imam present, just some prisoner pressed into service. So probably not a well educated guy and stupid enough to end up in the clink on top of things.) had to say. The Imam gave a great presentation of the basics of Islam, complete with a video. After the presentations, time was provided for questions and answers.

When it was my turn, I directed my question to the Imam and asked: 'Please, Correct me if I'm wrong,but I understand that most Imams and clerics of Islam have declared a holy jihad [Holy war] against the infidels of the world and, that by killing an infidel, (which is a command to all Muslims) they are assured of a place in heaven. If that's the case, can you give me the definition of an infidel?'

There was no disagreement with my statements and,without hesitation, he Replied, 'Non-believers!'

I responded, 'So, let me make sure I have this straight. All followers of Allah have been commanded to kill everyone who is not of your faith so they can have a20place in heaven. Is that correct?'

The expression on his face changed from one of authority and command to that of a Little boy who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.'

He sheepishly replied, 'Yes.'

I then stated, 'Well, sir, I have a real problem trying to imagine Pope John Paul Commanding all Catholics to kill those of your faith or Dr. Stanley ordering all Protestants to do the same in order to guarantee them a place in heaven!'

The Imam was speechless!

I continued, 'I also have problem with being your friend when you and your Brother Clerics are telling your followers to kill me! Let me ask you a question:

Would you rather have your Allah, who tells you to kill me in order for you to go to heaven, or my Jesus who tells me to love you because I am going to Heaven and He wants you to be there with me?'

You could have heard a pin drop as the Imam hung his head in shame. Needless to say, the organizers and/or promoters of the Diversification' training Seminar were not happy with Rick's way of dealing with the Islamic Imam , and exposing the truth about the Muslims' beliefs.

In twenty years there will be enough Muslim voters in the U.S. To elect the President! I think everyone in the U.S. And Canada should be required to read this, but with the ACLU, there is no way this will be widely=2 0publicized,unless each of us send this along. This is your chance to make adifference...

Soon, I will have no contact with the relatives left!

I love that they make know effort to even begin to understand what Islam is about. First off, Muslims don't ALL believe that all non-believers should be put to the sword. Are there radicals that do? Yes, but then the guy who blew up bombs at the Olympics in Atlanta was a radical Christian. Do you want to be judge by that asshole?

Second off, while Christians were torturing Muslims, Jews, homosexuals, Protestants and learned women (or as the Church preferred to refer to them, Witches) in Spain and other countries in Europe under the guise of the Inquisition, Muslim cities peacefully allowed non-believers to live in separate quarters of their cities. This included Jews and Christians who were consider "People of the Book" as the Muslims claim both the Old and New Testement of the Bible as part of their religious heritage.

Oh, and I wonder what Mr. Mathes unleashed on the Catholics? Did he prove that we are baby-eating papists like so many holier-than-thou "Christians" believe?

So folks, you can take your ignorance and your prejudice and peddle your bullshit elsewhere.

So, unfortunately, I will be blocking Tonette now too.

Wingnut Loons

I believe that it is well established that I come from a family of wingnut loons who can't resist the urge to hit the "Forward" button on any stupid email that they receive.

This is the latest.

Apparently none of my elders is capable of double checking any facts. This was easily checked on Wikipedia

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico. This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.
However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?
I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you.

It did for me.

No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens!

I am not entirely certain if this means my family is Pro-Martian or Anti-Mexican. Either way. It doesn't make any sense

Al Gore: March, 1948
Hillary Clinton: October, 1947
John Kerry: December, 1943
Bill Clinton: August, 1946
Howard Dean: November, 1948
Nancy Pelosi: March, 1940
Dianne Feinstein: June 1933
Charles Schumer: November, 1950
Barbara Boxer: November, 1940

I love a Republican email with a fact rate of 100% INCORRECT. And now I have to block my Aunt Jeannette.

On the off chance you thought my neighbors had become humans

I welcome you to:

FUCKTARD SUMMER

When last we visited the idiot neighbors they were flipping off ten year old girls, preventing the installation of gutters on the west side of the house, using the doggy squeeky toy obnoxiously to irritate our pooch....

And then came the long winter. See, smurfs don't hang out outside in the winter... must be that they are blue and topless to begin with..

But now with the summer in full swing... they sit out there in their concrete pad patchworked prisonyard, er, backyard playing their radio at full blast, lying on a beach towel on the concrete in order to sun themselves (maybe they are reptiles?) and cooking beans and franks. They even have a wienie timer... because you don't too much charring on your wienie...

The poochie battles have been interesting. See, it appears to us that our beloved Cinnamon is going a bit deaf, so she really doesn't complain to much about the squeeky toy. Actually, she doesn't complain about the squeeky toy at all... so now, the FUCKTARDS, have taken to calling her name... Luckily, she really doesn't notice that either.

But this afternoon, as the landscapers were planting a couple of boxwoods on the side of the porch, they came out blasting, "Get the FUCK off my property!" The supervisor looked at him quizzically as apparently he isn't used to the rants of the insane. "You are standing on my FUCKING SIDEWALK!" Papa Smurf bellowed, "Get off it or I will call the cops!" Again, the supervisor looked at him blankly, "You are going to call the police because I stepped on your side walk?" I felt sorry for him, I know it doesn't make much sense.

Oh, and did I mention that my nice neighbor and her three year old son were outside when Papa Smurf started screaming and swearing... Yeah, he's a charmer...

Luckily, the guy who owns the landscaping company, who knows what morons we are dealing with, showed up and helped smooth things over, by showing how the guys how to loop the soaker house around the new bushes without stepping into the Smurf Kingdom.

We really don't need more blue (balled) shirtless unemployed dicks walking around the neighborhood anyway.

Things to do with a pencil

I learned tonight that there is a boy in the Angel's class who shoots pencils at her boobies... questioning whether they will pop upon impact...

I looked at her a moment and asked her why she doesn't return the favor.

She and her friend looked at me quizzically....

Finally the Angel couldn't resist and asked, "Mom, why would I do that? It wouldn't hurt his breasts?"

"Aim lower, " I told her.

The girls gave a horrified giggle.

But "What is good for the goose, is good for the gander," Nanny always said.

Open letter to my family and friends...

If I see one more Barack Obama is really a terrorist in disguise email I am going to hurt someone. Really.

This is the latest interation of nonsense from the familles:

Who is Barack Obama? Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a black MUSLIM from Kyangoma-Kogel, Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white ATHIEST from Wichita,Kansas.

Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii. When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya. His mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from Indonesia. When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to Indonesia. Obama attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta.

He also spent two years in a Catholic school. Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim. He is quick to point out that, "He was once a Muslim, but that he also attended Catholic school."

Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it appear that Obama's introduction to Islam came via his father, and that this influence was temporary at best. In reality, the senior Obama returned toKenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any direct influence over his son's education.

Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama's mother, Ann Dunham, introduced his stepson to Islam. Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school in Jakarta.

Wahabism is the RADICAL teaching that is followed by the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world.

Since it is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when seeking major public office in the United States, Barack Hussein Obama has joined the United Church of Christ in an attempt to downplay his Muslim background.

Let us all remain alert concerning Obama's expected presidential candidacy.

The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through the President of the United States, one of their own!!!!

ALSO, keep in mind that when he was sworn into office - he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Kuran (Their equevelancy to our Bible, but very different beliefs).

Please forward to everyone you know. Would you want this man leading our country?

Please note that stupid grammar and mispellings are not mine.

Now... after letting the stupidity waft into your brain (since it is expected by my family) please listen to my response.

Dear Auntie!

That is an excellent question. Who is Barack Obama? Let me help you out by getting rid of the extraneous information for you....

Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr. and Ann Dunham. Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii. When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya. Obama attended school.

That seems simple enough, doesn't it?

See, Barack Obama is an American citizen by by virtue of his birth in the United States (if you doubt that is a legitimate US territory you may take it up with your brothers Pete and Joe) and that his mother was an American citizen.

In America it is considered perfectly acceptable to be Muslim and it is perfectly acceptable to be an atheist. Many Americans are educated both in and out of the United States. The fact that he attended schools in Indonesia means NOTHING. The fact that most of the schools were full of Muslims is also worthless since most Indonesians are Muslim. Oh, and Indonesia is NOT an Islamic state. 99% of the Muslims in Indonesia are Sunni. Oh and by the way...Sunnis are to Islam what Catholics are to Christianity... The largest and oldest group.

Wahhibism is the sect of Islam followed by our FRIENDS in Saudi Arabia.

Keith Ellison of Minnesota was the Muslim congressman sworn into office on the Koran.

One last thing... The Chicago Sun Times today published a family tree on Barack Obama today. Turns out he is related to three American Presidents: Harry S. Truman, George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush. Ooops. oh and just for fun... he is related to Dick Cheney too.
Please forward to everyone you know. Because this man is as entitled to be President of the United States as much as any American man or woman. Remember:

E Pluribus Unum

Out of many.... one.

We may be different from one another but we are all united as AMERICAN citizens.

Oh, and I am getting remarkably tired of answering this very same email over and over again. I think it is lovely when people have opinions, but I really think you should double check your facts before you forward them on as if the pablum you are sending out were true. Stupid people might believe it.

Thanks.

Love to you all!