Wingnut Loons

I believe that it is well established that I come from a family of wingnut loons who can't resist the urge to hit the "Forward" button on any stupid email that they receive.

This is the latest.

Apparently none of my elders is capable of double checking any facts. This was easily checked on Wikipedia

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico. This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.
However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?
I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you.

It did for me.

No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens!

I am not entirely certain if this means my family is Pro-Martian or Anti-Mexican. Either way. It doesn't make any sense

Al Gore: March, 1948
Hillary Clinton: October, 1947
John Kerry: December, 1943
Bill Clinton: August, 1946
Howard Dean: November, 1948
Nancy Pelosi: March, 1940
Dianne Feinstein: June 1933
Charles Schumer: November, 1950
Barbara Boxer: November, 1940

I love a Republican email with a fact rate of 100% INCORRECT. And now I have to block my Aunt Jeannette.

Fun and Games with the Family

Yesterday, I hosted my father's birthday dinner.

Naturally, it was just us. My asshole sister hasn't been part of the family in years. So naturally that means just my girls. Not my nephews who probably wouldn't recognize me or my parents if they walked by us.

Family means alot to my family.

So naturally, you know how much I enjoyed getting this email this morning... apparently my bad for not checking my email yesterday.

Notice caption below painting !!

This should hang in the White House parlor !! (Complete With Caption !!---Of Course !!!!)

So I said to him, "Barak, I know Abe Lincoln, and you ain't him."

HAHA... isn't that funny? Why isn't it HI-STERICAL to send political emails to your daughter who has repeatedly asked you not to? Haha! Yeah!

Then typical of my family... I got another one.... 15 hours later from my cousin. He also thinks it is HI-STERICAL to send this shit to me too... Cuz the more often I get the same annoying email, the FUNNIER it is. And that is what Bob is always telling me. I need to lighten up. It's just funny, right?

So.. cuz I am funny too. I sent this:

I'm sorry... Did you clear this through your fearless leader?

If not. Go do what is expected of you... click here

Because I think it is HI-STERICAL that every Republican cowtows to a three times divorced drug addict as their moral center.

Apparently one of my cuz's buddies doesn't approve.

Patrick Hurley: who is this?

Me: Gretchen Neuman

Patrick Hurley: I do not know you. Why are you writing to me?

Me: No doubt because you were on the email list that one of my relatives used to forward the original "Excellent Painting!!" email. According to my family, I have no sense of humor regarding their continuously sending me obnoxious email. If you are having issues with being kept on the email chain, then you must have no sense of humor either. If you are having an issue with this, I suggest that you take it up with whichever of my relatives included you on the email. Have a great Sunday.

Patrick Hurley: I don't appreciate your comments. They are judgmental and self-serving. I am a three time Emmy award winner for stand up comedy. You don't know what you are talking about. Please take me off your list. You are rude and uninformed.

Me: Dear Pat, A 3 time Emmy award winner for stand up comedy? Now THAT is hysterical, since that isn't an award category. Why is it that my family and their friends always think that I would fall for such obvious lies. Must be that sense of humor again. Unfortunately since I don't a choice about the emails that I get from my family... and so while you are on their email list you will get my responses. I am not entirely sure why you think you deserve to be let off the hook. As for judgmental, self-serving and rude? You can take that up with my family. My polite emails were ignored. What is a gal to do? You want off my end of the list? Take it up with Bob.

Patrick Hurley: I did win three Emmys. doing stand up comedy in children's shows I produced, wrote and hosted. Take me off your list. Thank you.

Me: Congrats. When I am off the list, you will be off the list. Talk to Bob.

Me to Bob: Now if the joke is that being family I have to take this quietly... continue. I hope this isn't a guy you like or respect.

Lucky me! My cousin's friends are bozos too.

I have come up with a plan!

I opened my email this morning and found that I had not one, but THREE emails with this title:

Fwd: Fw: Obama's Church

I am not going to discuss the stupidity layed out there... because it is laughable.. or maybe it is only laughable to me since I live in Chicago where this church is located and know that this email is a nonsense piece of crap... One of the senders of this email to me is my dear sweet father. I am not entirely certain how he manages to be able to read this emails these days as his head is so far up his ass lately that it seems an impossibility. However, he was the main sender of this email.

Now what I like the most is my family recieves copies of these emails from my father... and THEN forward them to ME. Don't they notice I am already on the email list? I guess not.

For the last couple of years I have been perplexed by these stupid internet rumors and emails that I get. Where do they come from? Who creates them? Can any idiot do it? And if they can, how come I never get the equivalent email against Republican candidates? Do I have internet BO and no one will let me play their reindeer games?

So to that end I have decided to create my own... and feel free to appropriate it and send it on to every moron you know who has sent you one of those ridiculous chain emails... it might just work!

Fwd: Fw: Beating Hillary!‏
From:	PMiller (pmiller264@sbcglobal.net)
Sent:	Sat 1/12/08 5:48 PM
To:	J Brown (jeanettehbrown@msn.com); eyqe@sbcglobal.net; Judy Fargher (judyfargher@yahoo.com); geshkewich@yahoo.com; John Moriarty (jjmoriarty@cox.net); Elaine (emoriarty@nc.rr.com); chuck (cnmn@optonline.net); Fran Waldriff (Franiwaldriff@aol.com); Roger Warner (imawarner@comcast.net)

Hey! this just might work!

Note: forwarded message attached.--Forwarded Message Attachment--
Date: Sat, 12 Jan 2008 07:09:10 -0800
From: millerca50@yahoo.com
Subject: Fwd: Fw: Beating Hillary!
To: pmiller264@sbcglobal.net

Note: forwarded message attached.



    ____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile.  Try it now.  http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

--Forwarded Message Attachment--
Date: Fri, 11 Jan 2008 17:19:32 -0800
From: luvcat22t@yahoo.com
Subject: Fwd: Fw: Beating Hillary!
To: Sneakers35@aol.com; collinsk@eng.buffalo.edu; countryredhead337@yahoo.com; vicandpam95@yahoo.com; thedew66@yahoo.com; carebear27616@yahoo.com; jualem@verizon.net; nancykay@rochester.rr.com; coastalfox1@yahoo.com; sbglynn@verizon.net; deannagreer2006@aol.com; brian.humphreys@verizon.net; daisyjane63@yahoo.com; ford17j@yahoo.com; jskakuj1@rochester.rr.com; s_logan@hotmail.com; desertlogan@yahoo.com; millerca50@yahoo.com; brlani@aol.com; soozeeq0124@yahoo.com; tbyrdtaney@yahoo.com



Note: forwarded message attached.

---

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.--Forwarded Message Attachment--
From: billybob@veawb.coop
To: ;
Subject: Fw: Beating Hillary!
Date: Fri, 11 Jan 2008 15:33:28 -0800

We all know that Hillary Clinton will do anything to win the Presidency of the United States and enslave all of her enemies (and Bill) in Guantanamo Bay. But how is she doing it? Well, we finally have an answer. This is going to be hard to believe, but you should since I heard it from my friend, Julie's doctor's priest's auto mechanic.

It seems that Hillary Clinton made a deal with Satan in order to win the election. I know that seems we are done for and should be prepared to be tortured by illegal alien, drug abusing, Spanish speaking muslim, gay pedophile transvestites and Jesse Jackson. See? There is a picture of them together.. so this is TOTALLY TRUE!

Luckily, Father McCarthy, Julie's Doctor's Priest interceded on our behalf. But we have to do our part too. See it seems that Satan put in a twist into the deal so it is still possible for her to be stopped and the good Father got Beezlebub to tell us how. It turns out that Hillary will lose 100 votes everytime someone who opposes her goes to the tallest building in their town and jumps off.

Now, I know how much you love America so, naturally, I thought of you first. Will you help save us from Hillary and keep us honest Americans from having to shovel coal in the pits of hell for the Beast (and Satan too!) (I know you God-fearing Christian English-speaking, not on welfare, prayer in school and Ten Commandments loving patriots out there will enjoy that joke!) Hurry... the fate of our nation is in your hands.... Will you help God and save AMERICA?

Please forward to everyone you know in the next ten minutes and Satan promises to cut an extra 1,000 votes from Hillary's election day tally.... Don't delay!

I don't know... Do you think it will work? It might be worth a try.

Open letter to my family and friends...

If I see one more Barack Obama is really a terrorist in disguise email I am going to hurt someone. Really.

This is the latest interation of nonsense from the familles:

Who is Barack Obama? Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a black MUSLIM from Kyangoma-Kogel, Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white ATHIEST from Wichita,Kansas.

Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii. When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya. His mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from Indonesia. When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to Indonesia. Obama attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta.

He also spent two years in a Catholic school. Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim. He is quick to point out that, "He was once a Muslim, but that he also attended Catholic school."

Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it appear that Obama's introduction to Islam came via his father, and that this influence was temporary at best. In reality, the senior Obama returned toKenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any direct influence over his son's education.

Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama's mother, Ann Dunham, introduced his stepson to Islam. Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school in Jakarta.

Wahabism is the RADICAL teaching that is followed by the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world.

Since it is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when seeking major public office in the United States, Barack Hussein Obama has joined the United Church of Christ in an attempt to downplay his Muslim background.

Let us all remain alert concerning Obama's expected presidential candidacy.

The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through the President of the United States, one of their own!!!!

ALSO, keep in mind that when he was sworn into office - he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Kuran (Their equevelancy to our Bible, but very different beliefs).

Please forward to everyone you know. Would you want this man leading our country?

Please note that stupid grammar and mispellings are not mine.

Now... after letting the stupidity waft into your brain (since it is expected by my family) please listen to my response.

Dear Auntie!

That is an excellent question. Who is Barack Obama? Let me help you out by getting rid of the extraneous information for you....

Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr. and Ann Dunham. Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii. When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya. Obama attended school.

That seems simple enough, doesn't it?

See, Barack Obama is an American citizen by by virtue of his birth in the United States (if you doubt that is a legitimate US territory you may take it up with your brothers Pete and Joe) and that his mother was an American citizen.

In America it is considered perfectly acceptable to be Muslim and it is perfectly acceptable to be an atheist. Many Americans are educated both in and out of the United States. The fact that he attended schools in Indonesia means NOTHING. The fact that most of the schools were full of Muslims is also worthless since most Indonesians are Muslim. Oh, and Indonesia is NOT an Islamic state. 99% of the Muslims in Indonesia are Sunni. Oh and by the way...Sunnis are to Islam what Catholics are to Christianity... The largest and oldest group.

Wahhibism is the sect of Islam followed by our FRIENDS in Saudi Arabia.

Keith Ellison of Minnesota was the Muslim congressman sworn into office on the Koran.

One last thing... The Chicago Sun Times today published a family tree on Barack Obama today. Turns out he is related to three American Presidents: Harry S. Truman, George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush. Ooops. oh and just for fun... he is related to Dick Cheney too.
Please forward to everyone you know. Because this man is as entitled to be President of the United States as much as any American man or woman. Remember:

E Pluribus Unum

Out of many.... one.

We may be different from one another but we are all united as AMERICAN citizens.

Oh, and I am getting remarkably tired of answering this very same email over and over again. I think it is lovely when people have opinions, but I really think you should double check your facts before you forward them on as if the pablum you are sending out were true. Stupid people might believe it.

Thanks.

Love to you all!