Because I am reasonably certain that no one from my family reads this damn blog... and because I am in a worlds-colliding kind of mood, I will admit that I am a participant in Boobie-Thon.
Now, if you are having troubling holding down your lunch, that is your own business. But if the sight of my bosoms in a pink bra can raise money for breast cancer, I am in!
So go and pay to oogle me..... if you can figure out which knockers are mine.
I have done it...
I won't say that YOU have done it, because I know that YOU are a much better parent than I am. Everyone says so. Always. It's the truth.
But I loved this story. Plus, it involved Gordon Ramsey:
Apparently, Chef Ramsay has convinced his ten year old daughter to eat her vegetables because they will give her big boobs.The foul-mouthed TV star says his 10-year-old daughter, Megan, was a fussy eater - but she eagerly eats vegetables because she thinks they will enhance her chest.
I am not sure that this is worse than hiding the vegetable in brownies or other tasty foods a la Jessica Seinfeld or the other lady who claims that she wrote the same book.
He says, "I say to Meg, 'You've got to eat your lettuce, otherwise your boobies aren't going to grow.'
"It works - she's eating whole heads of lettuce, saying, 'Dad, look!' "
Personally, I trick my children into eating things by telling them it was their favorite when they were a baby.
I assume from looking at him changing his shirt all the time on his various shows that it is theoretically possible that big boobs are in this girl's future... it just seems a bit more outrageous than my mom telling me to eat the crust of my bread so my hair would curl. But I guess that isn't what the average 10 year old in Britain is concerned about these days.
Yes, Fun Daddy and I are off to the land of spangled boobs...
and better yet?
Mine will be intact. I had a bit of a scare after my first mammogram a couple of weeks ago. Naturally, they waited a week and a half to tell me there might be a problem. Then they did tell me that there were multiple masses in questions... but all was resolved today.
Now you must be thinking, "Wow! That sounds like a fun weekend of waiting!" And you would be right. Turning 41. Enjoying my gateau du feu. (Sorry, I was in such a putrid mood that I took no pictures of this event)... but today? I got the followup.
This time instead of the squishy mammogram, I got the slippery ultrasound (hey, at least they heat the gel) and it turns out that I am just lumpy. All right.... get it out of your system... Yes, I said I am lumpy. Now get over it. This was serious business. It turns out that I had a fibroadenoma. Which is completely benign albeit lumpy enough to turn up on a damn mammogram and scare the crap out of me.
Turns out that I had one of these things years ago... now I have two more. Apparently they enjoy being multiple and bilateral... gee, that almost sounds dirty. Luckily they tend to be stable and definite in their borders, which makes them pretty easy to track... and track them I will...
I go back in six months.. if they are the same in another six months... and following another good report I get checked yearly... Oh, and I am guessing that I get to have the kinder and more gentle ultrasounds... YEAH!
So bring on the show girls! I am off to Vegas, baby!
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