A Jiggle-free Thank You.

I am thanking the people that I love in advance.... You are making it happen for me!
From Tribune Media Services...

Today's birthday (Feb. 5). You start out with faith and work toward your goals. As you go along, you learn many things. You can't do it all by yourself, for example. The people you love make it happen.

Aquarius: 9. Enjoy every moment of this precious day. Tell somebody you love them, and mean it from your heart. Jan. 20-Feb. 18

Also, thank you to Fun Daddy for giving me a camera clicker thing so I can take pictures without jiggling my camera!

Look at that sharp picture!

Also thank you to Aunt Maggie. I will be taking pictures of her gift of Moet & Chandon White Star Champagne that I will be drinking later... and the pictures won't JIGGLE!!!! Yeah!

I love you all! And I DO mean that from my heart.

For Lillith

From Fun Daddy:

celia…celia!…here…there…here…gone.
a white wisp to be seen again???
yes. hope. join us, yes soon…
tall, bold, mumbly, skinny…
always to be heard…in her way…
she knows best…she knows best…(please help)…
smart…taut…undiscovered bloom.
gazelle…a gazelle…running…jumping…slowing…stop…to tie…
a curious case…friends aplenty….sports friends…party friends…hard friends…
friend to many, close to few…
here, now, for a series of moments…on the granite…fleeting.
please….stay…for silent me.
want more, will get less….more to give to others….growing up.
growing lovely…growing self…as should be.
tiny…screaming…wriggling…small stalks of arms and legs screaming skyward…my celia…

My Family of Hope

Yeah! Change is Good!

Not a good start

It is 9:02 am and this day sucks.

Fun Daddy woke me up early. earlier in fact than we would normally get up on a school day.

Why?

He is tired of being the first person up and about.

As if the DECADE that he spent out of town and I spent getting kids up and about and off to school or daycare and dealing with the fuss never happened. After all, its not like he spent a decade just taking care of himself and wining and dining to his hearts content. This is NOW dammit! And he said he is tired of being the first person up and about. That means what I did never happened. or doesn't matter.

And you know why he needs me up at the crack of dawn? Someone has to put cards on the teacher gifts.

Not that today is the last day of school this term. But the weather gods on the teevee are suggesting that there will be an ice storm tonight. And that means? Well, HE assumes that it means that there will be no school tomorrow. So, packages must go out today.

Never mind that I conceptualized, purchased the materials for, made and packed the gifts. They need CARDS too. And Fun Daddy is not capable of opening the box of cards sitting on the DINING ROOM TABLE, selecting one, writing in it and combining it with the gifts. No..... Clearly that is wimmin's work. MY JOB.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, he is encouraging Lillith to be unreasonable too. She brought us last night the order form for her graduating class sweatshirt that the 8th graders always get. The form, which she did just get, indicates that she must turn in the form and the payment by Friday. Oh and by last night, I mean 11 pm, before she headed to bed. Swell.... So did I have time to run out and collect the

This morning, it turns out that they must be turned in today. Why? Miss P, the homeroom teacher won't be at school tomorrow because they are burying her grandmother. So really the money and payment need to go in today. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? (I wish that was me saying that, but when we tried to point out that the note says tomorrow that is what Lillith said to me.) I CAN'T HAVE A SWEATSHIRT? JEEZ!

So what have I done? Taken the last of my secret stash of cash out of my wallet and paid for these sweatshirts. Did Fun Daddy offer to pick up money? Or write a check? No. MY JOB.

Not that Fun Daddy would go without cash. He always has a couple of bucks. That is what makes him FUN. He always get to go to the party. Which he will be doing tonight. I go to the school Christmas concert. He gets to hire the car service we can't afford because he couldn't possibly take public transportation or even have to make the effort to catch a cab.

I get to drive girls hither and yon, listen to Lillith bitch that she doesn't want to be there. Not buy fast food afterwards because I am being responsible with our limited resources. Listen to Imelda bitch about that. Walk the dog in the icy rain. Make sure girls go to bed because there WILL (no doubt) be school tomorrow and then wait up for a drunken Fun Daddy to get back from the party where everyone will talk about how he is a great guy. He is FUN! He sold his company to a Fortune 500 company. He is a genius!

Yeah.

An extra half hour of sleep wouldn't have been a good idea at all. Thankfully, Mr. Asshat denied it to me. I might get soft or something.

And

He told the kids what I got them for Christmas at dinner last night.

Bah, HUMBUG!

Don't even

You know what I hate more than anything?

A sore loser.


"Oh baby, let's play Wii Tennis!"

Do I mind that means that I lose? No. I know that I am going to. I know know that it is inevitable. Why? Fun Daddy has figured out how to play Wii Tennis and was a Junior U.S. Open Player.

I accept my loss with dignity and accept every little victory that I can get as a plus.

And alll is good

What isn't good?

When we play Wii golf.

Neither of us have any experience. But I figured it out.

And he didn't

Did someone throw a fucking fit because he lost and because he couldn't figure it out?

Um, yeah.

Was it me?

Um, no.


Bite me asshat, that you couldn't figure out how this game worked and I did.

Why it ok that I lose and you win, but a problem when I win and you lose.

FUCK YOU.

You used WHAT?!

Lillith has been working on this immense project for weeks. It is a model of Chicago's Millenium Park

Every weekend... every day... she has worked on this model.

For once, I have NOT been the person hosting the construction. This was done at Drina's house and her father has overseen the construction.

See, back in Poland, Mr. N was an architect. Here is America, he does design/build work. In either case, model making a speciality to the industry and apparently he knows all the tricks.

Lillith in particular was excited about the the spitting fountains... which will really be spitting water(ish). When we asked how they accomplished it, we got this answer from Lillith...

Lillith: "We used cock glue"

FD and I looked at each other...

FD, I: "WHAT!"

Lillith: "Its a kind of glue! I don't know!"

And then we thought about it.... Mr. N speaks English with a strong Polish accent....

FD turns to Lillith and said. "Could he have been saying 'caulk'?"

Lillith: "Yeah. Whatever.."

The best part was Imelda's eyes bugging out of her head and then laughing so hard she almost pee'd.

So just remember. If you are making a model of a park and need to use something for the water? Don't forget the cock glue.

Hey and it was a good evening too!

Yeah, I know it doesn't seem that way, but we were all mellow Saturday night. My folks had been over for dinner. I was assured that my father wasn't going to pull out his catheter for an unmentionable medical issue (common in order men). Mom was relaxing. Enough to tell me how Barack Obama wasn't an American citizen... which my father even takes issue with because my father knows what it is like to be born in Honolulu before it was a state and has been accused of not being a US citizen as a result.... He was born in 1942. Dad that is... Not Barack Obama. He was born in 1961... two years after Hawaii was made a state.

Anyhoo, we were having fun. I was being goofy. Imelda was pissed off to listen to music that was too loud and not of her choosing and Fun Daddy was being annoyed with Imelda.

This is as good as it gets at my house.

Today is her birthday!

Yes...

Nanny is 101 today.

and Yes.... that is from her 100th birthday....

She looks the same.

The silly part is that we are finally hearing from my cousin, John (Bud) that Nanny is starting to slow down....

I talked to her tonight and she was irritated that it was hot and rainy today. It makes her bones hurt. She also misses home. So she has started to get our hometown paper, The Union Sun & Journal. So now she knows when someone she knows dies. That is so Nanny.

Oh, and Nanny said that she was watching Mother Angelica on the EWTN. She saw a group of nuns that teach only at the elementary school level...and wear all white long habits. When she saw them, she thought of Imelda. Surprisingly enough, Fun Daddy and I have had our own conversations about Imelda becoming a nun. Why? I don't know. It just pops into our head.... we have all decided to keep it to ourselves... we don't want to spoil the surprise!

Oh and speaking of surprises, Lillith revealed on today. She chose her confirmation name... and it is the same as Nanny's middle name. Since she already has Nanny's "legal" first name, I thought this was very special. Better yet, despite the initial, "I get to choose for myself, right?" question as if I was forcing her somehow... Lillith did indeed select that name herself. I will give you a hint as to the name she selected... it is a floral name. And yes. I think you have a couple of options to guess...

She also selected Aunt Maggie as her confirmation sponsor. Nanny was surprised by that too. She thought that Maggie was Jewish.. don't worry Maggie... Nanny thinks that everyone outside the family is Jewish. Fun Daddy included. So you are in really good company.

But it is no surprise that Nanny is having a great day and is planning on having an even better weekend when Mom and Dad, and Aunt Pat and Uncle Tom arrive over the weekend. I wish I could be there this year, but I am keeping these girls on their paths.... and taking kids to Student Council retreats and hosting the Mother's Club meeting... yeah. that is how we roll...

Happy birthday, Nanny! We love you!

See you soon!

Love, Me.

What do these people have in common?

If you guessed that they all are (or did) celebrate birthdays today you are right!

Now the question is:

Who are all these people? I will give you a hint. Fun Daddy is in the middle...







What will his year be like?

By Linda Black | Tribune Media Services

August 27, 2008

Today's Birthday (Aug. 27). Many of your friends, co-workers and loved ones are helpless at scheduling. You, on the other hand, are great at playing that game. Teach them what you can this year, but also be there if they need you.

Schobermesse

I know, I know you are asking, "What is a Schobermesse?"

I was asking the same thing last week or so...

And then Fun Daddy revealed one of those nuggets of his childhood that was hidden away... It is an old Luxembourger tradition... it is the Harvest Festival. And he has been to them before. And better yet? There was one being held near our house.

You could have knocked me over with a feather.

But here we are at the Schobermesse with my girls and Drina, who was mistaken for my third daughter... (Man would THAT have been a busy couple of years!)

Now that I have been to one, I have learned some things...

a. Holy Hell! Luxembourgers are very similar. They all have a need to micro-manage or as they would say, "supervise" their families

b. They all believe in family and community and keeping their culture alive

c. and wow! they love to organize into groups... in fact, no less than three sections of the Luxembourg Brotherhood are recruiting Fun Daddy for their section... He and I, both felt overwhelmed by kindness and offers of friendship.

Oh, and as an extra bonus... we got to drink Luxembourger wine too!

Cinderella I am...NOT!

Where is my fairy godmother when I need her?

Fun Daddy is taking me to the ball to celebrate the YMCA of Metro Chicago's sesquicentennial. (150 years). It is a black tie affair and I apparently need a gown.

Being a difficult fit and a difficult age sucks.

I can find plenty of prom gowns in my size. And I can find plenty of matronly mother-of-the-bride numbers too. What is a bitch to find is a formal dress for a woman of my advancing years. but still not middle-aged by my mother's standard (keeping in mind my mother thinks that SHE is middle-aged and how many 126 year old women do YOU know?)

I think I have if figured out though... What do you think? I think it is still a bit bright, but it is summer after all.

Now on to the shoes... I think I will skip the glass slippers. I hear that they are a bitch to walk in.

Silly me

La de dah... I meet so many celebrities that I forget to EVEN mention it.

Or I just got busy. Yelling at kids no doubt.

But back a couple of weeks I had the opportunity to Meet Josh Kelley. Superstar singer and spouse to the famous blonde cutie/gay icon Katherine Heigl.

But this was about Josh.

Fun Daddy works with a digital media company (not his main line of work but he started this company with some buddies) so when they do events I sometimes get invited.

He played a small set in the office and then was whisked away by his people to play the Hard Rock later that evening. Where was the gorgeous wife. They were robbed a day before.

See him here playing in the office in front of a collage of record albums culled from mine and Fun Daddy's record collection. Why did we offer them? We are the only people in the office that still HAD records. Why? We are old.

Also see Josh posing politely with the young, hip and attractive members of the office.

And then there is me. They had already started the company slide show (prospective clients are invited to these shin digs) (My Robert Palmer and Peter Gabriel albums)


Also in attendence was a very talented new comer who's name I don't recall at the moment as it is hot and humid this afternoon. I am sure some day I will be horrified that I couldn't recall his name and I will be banished (I always think of that word with an Elizabethan inflection ban-ish-Ed) from the universe.

Another fantastic day

You know what is the best kind of day?

The kind where you are totally on top of things and are productive and then find out it was all an illusion.

Yup. Fun.

I was nice and organized, I had ordered my mother her birthday gift (lovely and likely totally inadequate flowers). After I took my shower, I noticed on my email that I got a confirmation that they were delivered and that my mother had signed for them... So, I called and wished her happy birthday. We had a pleasant conversation and then she hung up so she could go shopping.

I continued on with my day, getting some work done, feeling pretty good. The kids got home had a snack, went to volleyball practice, came home, worked on homework that I checked while I cooked dinner and cleaned out the refrigerator and ran four loads of dishes, deboned two cooked chickens, made home made chicken broth out of the carcass of one of them and made stir fry out of left over steak. Then we ate dinner. After dinner, I ran another load of dishes while Imelda had a quick shower. MonAnge ran up to take her shower when the phone rang.

It was my mother.

Wanting to talk to the girls. I put the girls on with them and they wished her a happy birthday and had a couple of questions for her. I noticed MonAnge giving me a strange look and then passing the phone off to her sister. "Is Nana ok?" she asked me. Hmmm, well since I had spoken to her less than 30 seconds, I didn't and said so. So then MonAnge went to take her shower.

Imelda didn't speak much longer to Mom. She asked if Mom wanted to speak to me, she gave a weird look then hung up the phone. "Nana said she was tired and going to bed," she told me. "But." Imelda told me, "She just sounded sad".

So, being the good daughter that I am? (or perhaps the word is idiot), I called back. Dad ditched from the phone as quickly as he could adding, "I don't need to be part of this!" Uh, oh... this ain't gonna be good.

And so I sat their quietly while I got lectured accordingly:

My mother had three children. One is dead. One is my bitch sister Margo who hasn't spoken to any of us in four years so therefore did not call Mom on her birthday. and then there is me. (Frankly, every time I hear this description of my Mother's situation I read a subtext of "and all I am left with is YOU!" I have been told over and over again that is not what is meant and that I should get over it and/or stop personalizing it, but I think that I am making a reasonable interpretation of the situation...)

Mom has always depended on me and I have always come through. I am like my father that way. She loves my father... therefore she loves me. (Because love can be broken down into a syllogism)

My mother has three grandsons who don't even know her! She SHOULD get a call from her grand daughters with whom she spends so much time. "Yes, she should," I tell her. "I am sorry" (No holiday or birthday in the last two years is complete without an apology from me... so I just offer them randomly now) "Well, you ARE responsible," I was told, "You are the MOTHER!"

My mother gave birth to three children. One is dead. One is a bitch. My grandmother didn't call and I fucked up again. She will see me Saturday when I cook her a gourmet birthday dinner and coconut cake from scratch. In the meantime? You ruined my day (subtext again... but really? Is this REALLY a stretch for me to make?)

The time at the end of this phone call? 8:15 pm. IT WASN'T EVEN 9:00! Was I really making such a mess of everything?

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. I hate all people.

Oh, and then Fun Daddy called and I told him what happened and I got the standard irritated change in voice and then, "Anything else?" I hung up.

FUCK.

Fuck Gram for forgetting, FUCK MARGO, FUCK PJ for dying. FUCK Fun Daddy for not sticking up for me, not making me feel any better or even trying and for getting pissy with ME! Fuck les filles for not being more enthusiastic when they spoke to her and for being so busy that I couldn't call before 8pm.

I am so tired of feeling inadequate. I am tired of being expected to be everything to all the people in my life and for being judged as wanting.

Because I do want. To run away, but like an idiot, I stay to take whatever tomorrow's humiliation will bring.

God, I hope I am in the group in my family that dies before they are 60. I don't want to be everyone's asshole for another 60 years.

note: Did I mention that I also made home made doggie treats, went grocery shopping, paid the Amex bill and researched environmental disasters in the south suburbs? No? Well that was part of my inadequate mix of the day.

No Where to Hide

My FIL had a "procedure" this morning.

A cardiac catherization to figure out what is going on with a heart murmur that he has had for years.. Not the hugest of deals, but still it has risks associated with it.

Now naturally, Fun Daddy and his father had discuss those options and who would want what done under what circumstances. Because his mother died recently, Fun Daddy worked himself into a state. I have for a week, been listening to him freak out about this. He steeled himself up and was "prepared" to have something go wrong. OoooooKay. Got it.

fast forward to this morning

He called at 6:30 to let me know that his father was in the lab having his "procedure". He would let me know when everything was all clear.

7:30 -- Nothing

8:30 -- Nothing

9:30 -- Nothing

10:00? I start making phone calls. His phone? No answer. No biggie, I guess. He often ignores me when I call. I wait a bit and try again. Still nothing. Text Message? Nada.

So I did what anyone would do...

I tracked him down in the hospital. I speak the language well enough to get transferred to the right people who then transfer me to the phone in the recovery room where FIL and Fun Daddy are hanging out.

I don't know why it irritates me, but Fun Daddy had the temerity to be nonchalant. Oh? You were concerned? Sorry.

Grrrrr,

But then he stops a second and thinks.... "You tracked us down? In the medical center?"

Yeah, remember that.

Meryl Streep's Pod

Every morning as I drive Fun Daddy to the office I pass an intersection with a bus stop...

In the bus stop for the last couple of weeks have been the following ads... side by side...like two peas in a pod.

Every morning.. I look and think, "Didn't anybody notice?"

Probably not.

Dopes...

The stuff I can find

Another wasted night watching The Tube...

I love this channel. It plays actual music videos and you never reallly know what you are going to get next. One minute it is The Cars, the next, Moby, followed The Who. Sometimes Fun Daddy and I start watching and before we know it, it is 3:00 am.

But here we are tonight watching it again...

We never learn. Or we keep learning... since we can never watch this stupid channel without the computer. To look up stupid facts. The year that an album came out, background info on Freddy Mercury (Did you know that he was Indian? or Zoroastrian? Do you know who Zoroaster was?) I come up with all sorts of shit. Filling my head with stupid information that no one but Fun Daddy will ever want to know.

There we are watching Adam Ant sing Goody Two Shoes and a conversation like this ensues:

Fun Daddy: I wonder who that guy is that plays the butler... I bet we have seen him in a million things

Me: Maybe... who knows

Fun Daddy: Can you look up who played the butler?

Me: What? Are you insane? How am I going to find something like that?

Fun Daddy: Can't you Google it?

Me: Oh sure... I will just Google "butler" "Goody Two Shoes" and get your answer...

Fun Daddy: laughing) Ok

Me: What? Your serious? What kind of retard* are you? Just for that I will look it up!

(thirty seconds later)

Oh Jesus, I actually got an answer!

Fun Daddy: I knew you would... see how I depend on you?

Yes, I can tell that the butler from the Adam Ant song "Goody Two Shoes" is Graham Stark and has appeared in more Pink Panther movies than anyone other than Herbert Lom and Burt Kwouk.

Anyone need a researcher?







* Please note that my use of the word retard is used exclusively in the third grade sense of the word... I would never use that word to describe anyone who was mentally challenged.

Grrrrr

I think that the corollary to the adage, "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world" should be "She who controls the remote rules the house".

And I had control.

It was necessary. See when the kids can pick up the remote, the next thing you know the dulcet tones of themes from "Fairly Odd Parents", "Phil of the Future", "Sponge Bob Square Pants" "Hannah Montana", "Drake and Josh" or "Zoey 101" fill my house. Children don't listen. Chores don't get done. Bitching and moaning ensues.

So I did what I needed to. I took the remote and I password protected every remotely cartoony/teenyboppery/tweeny channel. What can the family watch with impunity? The Learning Channel... The Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, PBS. Hey! My kids will watch those. I once caught the Angel completely absorbed in a show about cartography. (hehe... perhaps my geekish tendencies eventually catch up with her.) They can watch their shows when I agree. HA! CONTROL!

Of course, I also know that the chain of command is only as strong as its weakest link. And who is that link? Fun Daddy. That is why for a long time he did not have the code. I used to joke with him that he would roll over at 7 am some Saturday and give it to the kids without thinking...

Finally, a couple of weeks ago I broke down. Gave him the code. Just so I could go to the bathroom in peace occasionally. He is 43 years old. He should be responsible enough at this point, right?

WRONG.

Would you believe that he gave Imelda the code? LET HER WRITE IT DOWN!

I know he was upset... The Angel was sick and he had to come and help me with her... but he could have given the code to my mother!

What's worse? He never mentioned it to me.

Yesterday, as things were settled down, I noticed Imelda entering in the heretofore secret code in herself. "How are you doing that?" I asked her. She gave me that impish look and giggled... "Daddy gave it to me." And she and her sister proceeded to laugh in a "See how we pulled one over on the old cow" kind of manner.....

So, humiliation, disrespect, undermined authority are what I get. Again.

All I can say, is that I hope he stays out of town until I cool down. Grrrrrrr

More House News

Wow, I have spent a lot of time at that house the last couple of days. First here are some pictures of the progress being made... The first is the kids bathroom with the subway tile that I am completely loving... including the two stripes.. one, in black the other royal blue... And yes.. I know it is hard to tell.. I am working on the lights.... The next picture is from the kitchen... at this point all that is done is the kitchen floor... it is a lovely black slate.. Wow. it looks better now than when I saw it in the showroom. Next is the front door... We knew that was the door when we first saw it... Luckily it almost matches the floor that I insisted on having. Some day I am hoping to make a selection that my builder doesn't think is crazy... as the project has only about 6 weeks left... I am thinking it ain't happening. The last picture is the staircase and where I am putting my piano. Fun Daddy isn't sure about this.. but I say.. That is where it goes. Tough Nougies.. Yes, folks, I am losing my sense of humor on this project and want to go home.

You say tomato...

I say bite me!

Yes, it has been a semantic circle jerk today. Today was the day that I got to spend time on the phone with multiple Departments in the City of Chicago to settle building issues... First I got to chat with the Chief plumbing inspector about my dimwitted neighbors, the Schmitts... While I am legally required to install the gutters and downspouts, the Chief Inspector was doubtful that his deploying resources to try to explain the obvious need for these instruments to the bottom of the gene pool would accomplish much. Sadly, I had to agree. Since reasonableness is not really part of their overall makeup. Of course, neither is basic cleanliness, or a sense neighborliness. So I guess that is part and parcel with what I am dealing with. The good news that I received from this call is that the City will not withhold my occupancy permit over this stupidity..

This sadly is the highlight of my day.

From my last contact with the Building Department, I learned that the problems with my driveway are insurmountable... I have been sucked into the hole of bullshit and can not get out. It turns out that even though I call that concrete pad that has run along the east side of my house since for the nearly 17 years that I have lived in my house a driveway, the chick in charge of driveway permits says that I am not entitled to call it that. As far as she is concerned, I am just driving over the grass. Prior non-conforming structures do not exist in the driveway world.

The good news is that if rebuild my garage AND repave my driveway, I MIGHT be able to get a permit.

The bad news is that I am rebuilding my house... and NOW they want me to rebuild my garage AND repave my driveway to MAYBE get my driveway.

Oh, and the ticket that I got for not having a driveway permit? SCREWED is what I am.

I am in the midst of a meltdown over this... I got ditched by my Alderman's office on this. They didn't have the balls to tell me to my face that I was fucked... They sent me out to find out for myself.

And as the final insult, when I asked Fun Daddy for some moral support when I have to go back to court... And for the final insult... "Sorry, I am going to be out of town that day... I have to WORK for a living". That is right. As if it is not sucking enough, I get the final squishing into the muck that I deserve. Even the shit that I am responsible for... I suck at.