Can I go home now?

I am itchy from all the little noxious bugs biting me.

The internet connection ducks and weaves better than a prize fighter. Of course, it might have something to do with the fact that the computer that it is attached to is circa 1990 and has to be lain on its side so the mother board stays attached. No. I am not making that up. Ironically there is a shiny “new” CPU sitting right next to it. That is because I bought it for FIL three years ago. He still hasn’t figured out how to migrate his outlook contacts to the new machine (the lazy susan version have a cd burner).

No, girls. I can’t fix that connection. Because I am criticized every fucking time I touch his machine. He is holding us all hostage to his memory of how the IT world works.

Oh, and girls? STFU. I was not put on earth to be your constant companion and playmate. Your sister IS probably acting like a bitch but I would prefer to stay outside the argument.

Lillith? If every woman in the world who got her period sat in her bedroom for six straight days the entire universe would have collapsed three millennia ago. Get over yourself and act like a human.

I have had the “boys” ditch us twice now so that they can go out for drinks and then forget that we are waiting back at the ranch for them to come home for dinner. I have tried in the past to go ahead and feed the irritated hordes. This got me yelled at. But ironically, you either a. don’t want to pick up the phone when I call asking for an eta or b. get pissed off when I ask for said ETA. I know you don’t want no bitch telling you what to do…but I don’t know why my being irritated about this is a character flaw on MY part but knock it off.

Also, I don’t want to be told 3 times a day about all my sweet pooches misdeeds. Yes, she peed and pooped on the floor. I am sorry. I AM SORRY. I AM SORRRYY. Alright already. I get it. And she allegedly almost bit the pool man. Except that I don’t think that it ever happened. And if we knew that the pool man was coming over I wouldn’t have gotten into the pool for the moment that he got here. Ok? Again? I am SORRY.

Also, I would like to be able to know something about something. My brain did not fall out on the journey. Trust me, life would be a lot fucking easier if it did because then I wouldn’t notice that everytime I mention something interesting it is attributed to someone in the house with a penis.

Honestly. I am tired and irritated and I want to go home. Can we already? Or can I just go?