The Weather Forecast

Partly sunny with a chance of mopes!

That is how we are rating the weather these days... The chances that we will espy the fucktard neighbors, The Schmitts, topless.....

Often a sighting of these fantasmagoric creatures in their naturally setting is accompanied by the sound of:

a. Margaritaville

b. Trucking

c. The Call of the Mopes, "HEY! Get off my property! Can't you read the sign?! IT IS POSTED!!

I know, I know... you ladies are jealous... You want a chance at these charming hunks (of crap). Well, you are in luck! 'Cuz surprisingly, the are BOTH AVAILABLE!

Shocking, eh?

Finally! A small victory!

Yes, Maman has finally had a satisfactory outcome when dealing with the Schmitts.

See we were trying to get the phone and cable installed. And yes, that means that something had to be installed on the west wall of the house. So I warned the installer that there might be trouble and he started going about his work.

Sure enough, I could hear the dog next door, Ellis and my neighbor, Tom Schmitt both barking like rabid dogs. I went outside to check on what was going on and found that the installer, known only to me as 6874 was backing away from the work site. "He said that he would sic his dog on me," he told me. I came around to find Tom holding his place behind the pitiful broken down and locked fence.

Me: No, you can't do this... this is the installation of a utility.

TS: They can't step on my property

Me: (Pointing to the space where 6874 needed to stand) But that is my property. And you have blocked access to it.

TS: Fine, then he can jump the fence

Me: Or I can get the snips and cut it right here where your fence is on my property to give him access. The choice is yours. Shall I get them?

TS: (Hesitating) Fine, I will open the gate.

Yes folks... I managed to make an argument that even Tom Schmitt could understand... at least for a moment.

Of course, the discourse while he was standing over me and the Comcast installer was not pleasant....

TS: Are you enjoying yourself?

Me: No....I am just trying to figure out how to get my house finished. Are you enjoying yourself?

TS: No. You better watch out. I am going to be around alot more. (Presumably referring to his recent unemployment)

Me: Oh yes, congratuations on that.

TS: I don't have to find a job for a while... I can retire if I want.

Me: Congratulations.

TS: It is going to be a really hot summer

Me: Fantastic. Oh and by the way... I hope I never find out that you have been surveilling my house.

TS: That is just a satellite radio

Me: Maybe. Maybe not. I figured out what the range extender was...

TS: That is just an antenna

Me: Yes. That says linksys. I can read you know.

TS: Well it isn't there now

Me: Don't worry. I have pictures that I took of it when I was trying to figure out what the all electronics were on my side of house. It seemed a little suspicious that it all appeared just before you went out of town.

TS: It is just a radio

Me: Whatever.

TS: (Removing a piece of siding from his decrepit house) See what your people did to my house?

Me: (Thinking about it for a minute... remember he has fussed about stuff that was big, small, real and imagined) So you say... Where is the proof that my people did that

TS: They did this to my house.

Me: We would have fixed it for you anyway even though you can't prove we did it.... but then you kept calling the police and stopped us from putting up the gutters... so, I hope you hold your breath waiting for your extortion payment of $2,500. Because it is never coming.

TS: I had to take 4 days off of work... that is $1,000

Me: A. You didn't HAVE to take off from work. And B. there is no way that the amount of money you lost as a result of coming home early was anywhere near $1,000

TS: Are you saying that I don't make that much money?

Me: Yes... that is what I am saying

TS: I used to make $30 and hour

Me: I guess the operative words there are "used to"

TS: Oh I have flyers up... I will be back to work soon

Me: (rolling my eyes) Whatever... good luck with that. Hope nobody runs a Google search on you before hiring you.

TS: I don't care

Me: No doubt.

So hopefully that is the last I will have to do with any of them for a while. I was hoping that they would move. But that doesn't seem likely at this juncture. After threatening the Comcast guy with bodily injury and using his dog as a potential weapon, I suppose I should take his statement about it being a "Hot Summer" this summer as an additional threat.

With their penchant for fireworks, I suppose I should be prepared for an arson attempt. I am going to feel better when the security system is installed in the house. How sad that I am now trying to protect myself and the girls from my neighbor.

Oh and I called the folks at Comcast and called in a commendation for good old 6874.... No one should have to be threatened with physical violence in the course of their day at work. I told his superiors what happened and that he remained cool under pressure and did a great job with the installation.

Avril Poissons!

Or maybe not.

I hope that this is a joke.... But that looks a camera on the porch roof of my neighbor's house... Not the new neighbors that I met last night... but the crazy, paranoid fucks on the west side of the house. I had to go back and show Maggie... this is so weird. I am dying to know if they are watching their own house, or watching mine. God, I hope it is theirs... but knowing them... Maybe not. I'd hate to think that I am being surveilled by a lunatic (is that even a word?) Does that mean that they are stalking us? Charming.

Please note that window is the window that Eric jumped out of (head first) when they had their fire ten years ago. Ironic, ain't it?

What the heck is THAT!

I am guessing that it isn't a home weather monitor. What I do guess is that my neighbors the Schmitts are paranoid fucks that are watching my property or "protecting" themselves from the builders. Who the heck really knows. I know that I am sad to report that I was afraid to take pictures of the hillbilly mopes sitting there on their front porch... with their obese pooch that released to pee on my front yard.

Inching...

And it is killing me! If I don't get into the house soon I am going to lose it. I had to go over today to accept deliver of (and less amusingly) pay for the appliances... But the good news is that most of the stuff looks fantastic and the builder decided that we don't have to vent it the hood to the west side of the house near the evil neighbors... (although I had evil dreams about alternating preparing really good smelling or exceptionally foul smelling foods to be vented into their yard. Ahhh, a girl can dream...) now the vent is on the east side. WHEE! Soon I will be flambé-ing at will... without any further fear of singeing cookbooks (Julia Child wouldn't have minded).

The bad? Well, the microwave sent over was the wrong model.. it was supposed to be undermounted to a cabinet. Oh and I still can't install my gutters until the fucktard neighbors move... and I am sure that Eric Schmitt was peeking through the blinds or the two wind mirror coating that only the discerning paranoid uses on their front door window to take account of what types of appliances that we got. No doubt, they will be upping their blackmail demand accordingly.

Oh, I did get a nice picture of the filles! And that is considering that they were peeved at me for keeping them close to me while we were at the house. Hey! There were a lot of workmen scurrying around with sharp tools... I think that makes me une bonne maman... but I doubt that they think so.

More Fence News

Sometimes, I am a petty bitch.

I think that I am entitled when it comes to my stupid neighbors. That is why, I had to go take a closer look at the cut fence. It took me a bit to figure out why someone would do that, but then I figured it out. You see, my electric meter is on the west side of my house... to read it, someone would have to go through the locked gate. Nice sign, eh? When I saw it, I wasn't sure what they meant by the symbols on either side of the "POSTED" portion.... I am not entirely sure why they felt the need to add that to the sign with the locked gate and all... to me it seems to add the pathetic air of "I really mean it" along with the foot stamp of a slightly deranged toddler. On the other hand, that seem about appropriate.

Ooops, sorry back the symbology... What do you think? Is it some sort of added barbed wire element or a slightly skewed swastika? Since Tom Schmitt once told Fun Daddy, that he was going to do us the "favor" of not selling to the "blacks" and the fact that they hung the stars and bars after 9/11, I vote for the swastika.

I am dying to know what went down when the fence was cut. See Eric has always noticed anytime anyone stepped onto his Daddy's property when they were from my construction crew. Hell, they seemed certain that one of the workers was going to blow up their garage... Ahh, sweet, sweet paranoia.... I find it impossible to believe that someone actively destroying their property would go unnoticed. Were the police called? They have been so many times before.

I would like to imagine that the person who cut the fence was a black female meter reader. Oh, because in case I haven't mentioned it before? The Schmitts don't like girls either... but that is another story....

You are NOT going to believe this!

Don't you hate it when bad things happen to bad people?

And I SWEAR to God, the sweet baby Jesus and his pet cow, that I had nothing to do with this....

Really. I pinky swear.

Someone cut the Schmitt's side fence.

I admit that I had thought about this... to take wire snips and snip the part of fence that is on my property. Yes, I have dark and evil thoughts sometimes... Although as thoughts go, this is not particularly dark and evil.. just darker and more evil than generally have.

I can't help but laugh.

Of course, the paranoid fucks will think it was me.

But it wasn't. Unless wishing can make stuff happen.